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Wednesday, 3 August 2011

D&DVD Of The Week: Conquest (1983)


Let's get one thing straight from the start, I'm no fan of Italian Giallo cinema, but I felt I owed it to myself to sample "godfather of gore" Lucio Fulci's one stab at the sword & sorcery genre - Conquest.

Sadly, it's as dreadful, rambling and poorly constructed as any Italian horror movie I've seen with a nonsensical story, cheap and cheesy effects, awful cinematography (if the picture doesn't look like it was shot through a fine net curtain, or is obscured by near-constant mist, it's probably too dark to see anything clearly) and a disappointing lack of notable casual nudity (even if the central, mask-wearing villainess Ocron is topless every time she appears on screen).

What passes for a story in Conquest is the narrative equivalent of a sandbox Dungeons & Dragons campaign, with our two "heroes" - whiny, Luke Skywalker-esque (circa A New Hope) Ilias (Andrea Occjipinti), armed with his magic bow, and surly rogue Mace (George Rivero) - wandering around a mist-enshrouded land having random, often inexplicable, encounters and fighting monsters.

They are supposedly fighting evil, but are also seen simply killing a random person to steal his food!

Evil, brain-eating witch Ocron (Sabrina Sellers) has a vision that Ilias is going to kill her and so dispatches her legions of wolf-men/dog-soldiers and other masked minions to capture him. Of course, he doesn't know who she is and only decides to go after her once her soldiers have slaughtered the tribe of very accommodating cave people that Ilias and Mace have been staying with.

I'll admit there was a surprising twist to the plot towards the end, but even that took its own bizarre turn that was never explained or returned to - much like Mace's sudden ability to teleport (unless that was the magic bow!)

Ridiculous, stupid, illogical and, at times, tedious, Conquest is a hard slog to get through and thankfully only lasts about 88 minutes.

GAME MATERIAL:


The Bow Of Kronos (Qo'nos)
- It is said that when the god Kronos ran out of arrows, defending the land from evil hordes, the sun itself sent down arrows of light to empower his bow.

The short bow itself looks very ordinary, with a primitive (although unbreakable) string, and in fact doesn't radiate magic if tested, but acts as a +5 bow (bonus to hit, not damage) when firing ordinary arrows.

However, if the string is pulled back in anger (i.e. during a combat) without an arrow nocked, a magical blue arrow of energy will materialise.

When this arrow is released it divides into numerous, identical blue bolts of energy that will strike at all enemy combatants within an arc of 70ft (70 yards outdoors) from the archer (it has the range of a long bow, which is tripled outdoors as per S&W rules) at +2 to hit for 1d6+2 damage.

These energy bolts also travel through solid, non-flesh objects - up to their full range - making all cover useless against them (and thus providing no defence).

The bow bonds with its owner when first obtained - it must be given freely - and can 'fly through the air' to its owner's hand from a distance of up to 200 feet if bow and owner are separated for some reason.

It also grants the power of teleportation (with a 100 per cent chance of success, even if the target location is unknown to the archer), up to a mile distance, once per day.

As stated above, for a new owner to take up the bow it must have been freely given. If the previous owner has died before passing on the bow, the new owner must complete a ritual which involves cremating the previous owner and then coating himself with the previous owner's ashes. These must stay on until the first time the bow is fired in anger (i.e. in genuine combat). At that point the bow will bond with its new owner.

If the Bow Of Kronos is ever used by someone it has not bonded to it simply acts as a standard short bow.

Dog Soldiers

#ENC. : 3d6
HD: 2
AC: 8 [11]
Attacks: either by weapon (+1 due to strength) or bite (1d6+1) or claw (1d3+1)
Saving Throw: 16
Move: 12
Alignment: Neutral (evil/chaos)
CL/XP: 2/30

Strong, shaggy furred wolf-like creatures capable of walking upright, dog soldiers are not the brightest minions, but gain strength in numbers and can be quite brutish. They are, however, very loyal to their masters - although they tend to follow orders to the letter. If told to bring someone's head they will think nothing of dismembering the body, as long as the head remains in tact.

Their lack of common sense does make them easy to manipulate and ambush, as 90 per cent of the time they won't even think to leave a guard standing watch if they are camping out over night.

They have a basic grasp of the common tongue, but prefer their own guttural, growling speech and tend to lapse into that if made to speak 'common' for too long.

The dog soldiers have also mastered basic weapons and tend to arm themselves with primitive flint-headed axes (1d6) and spears (1d6).

A disarmed dog soldier will attempt to get his opponent into a position where he can bite him, as their claw attacks are usually ineffectual.

When not in service to a master - or mistress - the dog soldiers are simply wandering thugs, like feral canines, surviving on whatever meats they can forage or scavenge, bullying weaker creatures they encounter and avoiding obviously stronger ones and large settlements.

2 comments:

  1. I dunno, I thought the whole thing was very dream-like and alien, and while it didn't make a lot of sense at times, that was part of the charm. I liked that the witch didn't really seem to have any powers apart from summoning the disco-ball-warrior and commanding the dogmen. But I have a soft spot for Fulci, because of Zombi 2 and the final shootout in Contraband.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Thanks, Mike. Of course, it didn't help - as I said - that I just don't get the appeal of this particular Italian movie style.

    I could see Fulci was aiming for the "dream-like and alien" quality you obviously appreciated, but it didn't work for me ;)

    ReplyDelete

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