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Tuesday, 15 January 2013

Patricia Knight (1935 - 2013)


Buddhists refer to the transitional state of bardo, between death and rebirth, when the spirit endures a series of monstrous challenges. I can think of no better metaphor for my mother's life from the day my dad passed away, seven years ago, until her death last Saturday morning. She was 77.

My parents were so in love that mum just couldn't cope on her own. Before he died, dad confided in Rachel that we needed to be aware that mum was forgetting things with increasing regularity and it quickly became clear that she couldn't continue living in the family home on her own.

We were so lucky that a very kind health visitor helped to find mum a place at the Mount Ephraim House Care Home in Tunbridge Wells, where she spent the remaining years of her life in the care and comfort of a loving environment, staffed by amazing carers.

Mum was born and raised in Tunbridge Wells and met dad, who was a telephone engineer (like her father), when she was working as a telephonist.

They lived in Western Road, Tunbridge Wells, for several years and that's where I was born. When I was about three, we all moved to the bungalow in Henwood Green Road where I grew up.

Dad eventually retired, freeing up time for them to enjoy their frequent day trips around the South of England, taking cream tea at every National Trust property they visited. They remained active until dad died in 2005.

It didn't matter how much we all loved her, after the the Alzheimer's took hold it just gradually ate everything that made her her over these last seven years. Thankfully in her final week she was asleep almost constantly and, I hope, unaware of what that cruel disease was doing to her.

She hadn't really been herself for quite some time, but part of me always hoped that maybe one day we'd go to visit and there would be the sharp, vibrant, wickedly funny woman I remembered.

She is at peace now and reunited with the love of her life.

I miss you, mum. The world is less fun without you.

16 comments:

  1. All of my condolences. That's a day that we all dread, when our parents pass on.

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  2. Tim: So sorry to hear about this. All my thoughts and prayers sent your way.

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  3. So sorry read this, Tim. My heartfelt condolences to you.

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  4. It's not happened to me yet but I know it's coming. Knowing that won't make it easier. Our thoughts and sympathies are with you at this difficult time.

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  5. I'm sorry to hear about your loss, Tim. My thoughts are with you and Rachel.

    Take care, mate.

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  6. Tim, my thoughts are with you. Whether the loss be sudden, or gradual as it was with your Mum, it's always rough. "Bardo" is actually a good way to describe it. I have no doubt that your Mum and Dad are together, and that their love is now fully expressed.
    Do not be afraid to grieve. The old British stiff upper lip is not the best in such times. Share your feelings with Rachel, or friends; there will be a lot of up and down you'll go through. Let yourself experience it.

    My love to you and Rachel, and my "Bunsters" Basil and Humphrey want to send their best to Barney.

    Thinking of you, amigo...

    Paul

    ReplyDelete
  7. Very sorry for your loss, Tim. My thoughts are with you.

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  8. Dear Tim, may comfort come to you in your grief, and may light perpetual shine on your mom.

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  9. A beautiful tribute, Tim. Our thoughts are with you in your time of grief.

    ReplyDelete
  10. Sorry to hear about you mother's passing.

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  11. Oh my gosh, I'm so sorry to hear this, Tim. You Mum sounded like a wonderful amazing lady.

    Hugs.

    ReplyDelete
  12. Thank you all for your kind words and positive thoughts. It all helps at this difficult time.

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  13. My condolences Tim. My Grandmother had Alzheimer's when she passed, so I know a bit of your sorrow, take care.
    jeff

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks, Jeff. While every loss is sad, when a loved one is slowly stripped of who they were, piece by piece, it has to be one of the cruellest (both for the afflicted and those they leave behind). I'm so sorry to learn that we now have this commonality.

      Delete

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