|Please excuse blurry quality - I was too shocked, and in too much of a hurry, to focus properly...|
Sauntered into my bedroom the other day, glanced up and let out the loudest involuntary swear of my life. There on the wall, above my bedside cabinet, was the largest spider I'd ever seen outside of a zoo (or a horror movie!)
After snapping the mandatory must-post-on-Facebook picture, I snatched up the humane 'spider gun' with the idea of hoovering it up and relocating it out the window.
Unfortunately, the spider being so much bigger than the nozzle of the vacuum-tube, the moment the 'gun' touched its legs it dropped down the back of the bedside cabinet... and hasn't been seen since!
Spider 'disposal' has traditionally been a 'husband clause' in my social contract with Rachel, which I have willingly fulfilled as I know she's no fan of arachnids.
But I have to confess, this BEAST rather freaked me out.
Helpful advice on Facebook came along the lines of "send in the marines" and "nuke it from orbit, it's the only way to be sure".
Some of this probably explains my dream that night where the BEAST returned, but it had morphed into an alien facehugger!
I have, however, instituted a new spider protocol: if the creature is clearly too big to fit in the 'spider-gun', it gets attacked with the bug-zapper instead.
I don't enjoy killing little critters (except wasps... all wasps must die!), even clearly evil buggers like ridiculously-oversized spiders, but I also don't want them running over my face while I sleep or biting my hand if I'm reaching down to retrieve something from behind the cabinet.
Although the giant hasn't yet returned, one of his lieutenants set an ambush trap on our stairs... and got zapped for his troubles. He was a big brute, but a fraction of the size of the BEAST.
Even now, days later, I worry about that monster returning when I'm not looking...
|Tools of the heroic spider-hunter's trade...|