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Tuesday, 18 August 2015

KILL IT! KILL IT WITH FIRE!

Please excuse blurry quality - I was too shocked, and in too much of a hurry, to focus properly...

Sauntered into my bedroom the other day, glanced up and let out the loudest involuntary swear of my life. There on the wall, above my bedside cabinet, was the largest spider I'd ever seen outside of a zoo (or a horror movie!)

After snapping the mandatory must-post-on-Facebook picture, I snatched up the humane 'spider gun' with the idea of hoovering it up and relocating it out the window.

Unfortunately, the spider being so much bigger than the nozzle of the vacuum-tube, the moment the 'gun' touched its legs it dropped down the back of the bedside cabinet... and hasn't been seen since!

Spider 'disposal' has traditionally been a 'husband clause' in my social contract with Rachel, which I have willingly fulfilled as I know she's no fan of arachnids.

But I have to confess, this BEAST rather freaked me out.

Helpful advice on Facebook came along the lines of "send in the marines" and "nuke it from orbit, it's the only way to be sure".

Some of this probably explains my dream that night where the BEAST returned, but it had morphed into an alien facehugger!

I have, however, instituted a new spider protocol: if the creature is clearly too big to fit in the 'spider-gun', it gets attacked with the bug-zapper instead.

I don't enjoy killing little critters (except wasps... all wasps must die!), even clearly evil buggers like ridiculously-oversized spiders, but I also don't want them running over my face while I sleep or biting my hand if I'm reaching down to retrieve something from behind the cabinet.

Although the giant hasn't yet returned, one of his lieutenants set an ambush trap on our stairs... and got zapped for his troubles. He was a big brute, but a fraction of the size of the BEAST.

Even now, days later, I worry about that monster returning when I'm not looking...

Tools of the heroic spider-hunter's trade...

8 comments:

  1. Down south we call them "Daddy Long Legs." Completely harmless physically, though the psychological damage, well . . . that depends upon the person. LOL

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Ha ha ha! To us softie Brits, a daddy long legs is a crane fly, which are a nuisance, but certainly not as psychologically scarring as this critter.

      I guess it could have been a harvestman spider. In which case, it's comforting to know (according to Wikipedia) that "their chelicerae are not hollowed fangs but grasping claws that are typically very small and not strong enough to break human skin."

      Delete
  2. That thing is a SyFy channel movie in the making.

    Alice is safe (dogs always make it).

    You and Rachel?

    Well, I'll just say my goodbyes now.

    Bye-eee.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I should point out that spiders of that size are why more people should play Hackmaster 5e. Those tomes were made for spider-squishing.

      Delete
    2. It's the zap-bat if it shows its ugly little head again!

      Delete
    3. I'm pretty sure it just strayed in from an Asylum film set...

      Delete
  3. You should see the large (females are much larger than the males) we just scoop them up and toss them back outside... be careful Not to agitate it.... they have a painful bite... so used to large spiders... its these damned Brown recluse spiders that drop down from ceiling ....

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. If what I've been reading is correct (and it is the sort of spider I think it is), the mandibles at the front are actually 'hands' rather than than fangs and it doesn't bit... but I'm not taking that chance if it reappears ;-)

      Delete

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