DVD of The Week: Cocaine Bear (2023)

It's 1985 and a drug smuggler's plane is heading for a crash landing, so he dumps his satchels of cocaine over the Chattahoochee National Forest, Georgia, with the idea that his colleagues can retrieve them later.

The only hiccup in this cunning plan is a 500lb black bear that devours way too much of the drug and goes on a murderous rampage, in pursuit of more of the valuable white powder.

An ensemble of oddball characters are drawn to the mountain where the bear is active, some by design and some by accident, including a mum (Rise of Skywalker's Keri Russell) looking for her runaway kid; a couple of drug dealers (Solo's Alden Ehrenreich and Obi-Wan Kenobi's O'Shea Jackson Jr.) sent to retrieve the stash; an aged police officer (The Wire's Isiah Whitlock Jr.) on their trail; a park ranger and a wildlife inspector (Person of Interest's Margo Martindale and Modern Family's Jesse Tyler Ferguson); a trio of delinquents who try and mug the wrong guy; and an unfortunate ambulance crew.

Inspired by a true story (and unlike all those ghost stories that claim the same, this actually happened), it soon becomes clear that this hilariously over-the-top affair, masterfully directed by Elizabeth Banks from a script by The Babysitter: Killer Queen's Jimmy Warden, is as much a caper fiasco as it is a gory horror flick.

Banks and Warden have taken the nugget of truth that is the real "cocaine bear" story and pumped it up to eleven, turning the bear into a furry Jason Voorhees, Cujo with a drug habit, stalking - and slaughtering - at random.

As the various parties cross paths with the coked-up bear, plans go to pieces (as do people) as the madcap carnage - and the belly laughs - escalate.

However, unlike that mother of all "when animals attack" movies Jaws, when the true monster of the piece, Ray Liotta's heartless drug boss Syd White, enters the picture, the "cocaine bear" becomes a force for justice and we can't help but find ourselves rooting for her.

• Cocaine Bear is now available on Blu-Ray and DVD in the UK.
  
  

GAME MATERIAL
 

Cocaine Bear (for 'houseruled' Villains &Vigilantes)

Loaded up with an insane amount of drugs, the normally inoffensive black bear is on the hunt for more cocaine - and is happy to kill anyone who gets in her way.

Due to the drugs in its system, the bear is immune to any mental, psychic or magical attempts to control it, put it to sleep etc

Power Level: 6
Wt: 500lb (Basic Hits: 10)

Agility: 12
Ferocity: 16

Hits: 12
Acc: -

ATT: +6

DEF: 21
Damage: 1d12 (bite) + 2x claws (1d8) - all lethal
Power: 42
Move: 56

POWERS & ABILITIES:

• Multiple Attacks: As a single action, the bear may attack with both claws instead of biting (PR = 1)
• Berserk: The first time in any combat that the bear takes Hit Point damage, its next action will be a terrifying mighty roar and then its next action will be to attack with both claws and a bite at +2 to hit and +4 damage.
• Increased Speed: When in pursuit of prey, after a single round of running, the bear may double its speed (PR = 4) for six rounds. It can finish this "charge manoeuvre" with a leap attack (+4 to hit, +1d8 velocity damage) if there is a target within 20ft (the range of this supercharged leap).
• Heightened Senses: The bear's sense of smell is attuned to cocaine and it has a 58 per cent chance per round of sniffing out any within 100ft. It's next action will then be to head in that direction.
• Invulnerability: Due to the huge amount of drugs in its system the bear can shrug off the first four points of damage from any attack that strikes it.
• Stealth: The bear is able to move stealthily through dense brush, reducing a character's chance of hearing her approach to half of their normal percentage to Detect Danger.
• Climb: Using its claws, the bear can climb any wooden structure that can hold its weight and size (so trees are fine, but not flagpoles etc).

My good pal Justin, of Halls of The Nephilim, has statted up Cocaine Bear for Dungeons & Dragons 5e, Dungeon Crawl Classics, and Bloat Games' Survive This: Vigilante City.